We speak with Families for Life council member, Mr Albert Lim on the importance of active fatherhood and the ways fathers can step up in the family.
Albert Lim is a father of three and grandfather of two. He is a member of the Families for Life Council and a board director at the Centre of Fathering.
What does it truly mean to be a dad?
Fatherhood has always been a learning experience, with lessons that evolve with each generation. The core principle of being a role model for children remains constant, but the "how" of fatherhood has changed significantly.
In my younger days, fatherhood seemed like a rigid and serious role. My dad was a stoic man with a strong sense of responsibility. Like many of his generation, he was the main breadwinner, and this seemed to be his only role. He did not interact much with us. On the other hand, my mum had the responsibility of raising us at home and managing the household. She was the go-to person whenever we needed help.
While I admired my dad immensely, becoming a father myself sparked a yearning for more. I desired to be more present in my children's lives, participating in their joys and challenges, as well as a role model whom they could look up to. As enthusiastic young parents, my wife and I attended various parenting talks and workshops, adapting the approaches to suit our three children. It was a constant learning curve and sometimes , I sought forgiveness when the impact of my behaviour was different from what I intended it to be.
Now, as I observe my son-in-law and younger fathers parenting their children, I see a new generation of more involved fathers facing greater challenges. Not only do they share both the physical and emotional responsibilities of raising children, but they must also navigate the complexities of today's digital world. While offering new opportunities for learning and connectivity it can also create a gap between fathers and children. We have a generation of kids who have grown up with parents who have been looking at screens instead of their eyes. By leveraging technology mindfully, fathers can harness the benefits of the digital landscape to enhance their parenting experience and support their children’s growth.
The importance of active fatherhood
Active fatherhood is crucial for a child’s development. According to the 2021 Marriage and Parenthood Survey, almost all (99%) married respondents agreed that fathers and mothers were equally important as caregivers for children, and 95% agreed that both parents should share equal responsibilities at home. Children with involved fathers tend to do better cognitively, socially and emotionally. They grow up feeling secure and valued, knowing they have a dependable figure who loves and supports them.
As a believer in active fathering, I strived to have moments to hear out my children. We have regular family dinners where we can touch base with each other and show concern for each other. I am grateful that we could continue with this even after they become adults and are married.
When my children were young, my wife and I chose to have all three children sleep in our bedroom as we wanted to optimize our time after work with them. We took turns to read them bedtime stories. Whenever I could, I would bring them on outings to places of interest like the zoo, creating precious shared memories.
These moments are what we talk about when we bring our grandchildren to these places now. I also chose to wake up earlier to drive them to their schools instead of putting them on school buses to increase the time I could be with them. Scheduling regular overseas trips were also instrumental in helping us protect our family time during the holidays.
Even when work trips took me away from my children, clear communication remained a cornerstone. My wife would bring me up to speed and this helped me to reconnect with the children when I returned home. This promoted understanding and appreciation for our roles and responsibilities.
How fathers can step up
The importance of active fatherhood cannot be overstated. It is not just about being physically present; it is about showing up emotionally and mentally for our children. Whether it is through bedtime stories or late-night heart-to-heart conversations, the impact of a father's love and guidance is immeasurable. Being available and listening without being quick to fix the problem creates a safe environment for the older children to be open in sharing their issues. Feeling understood helps them to feel accepted and this leads to them sharing more.
This extends to our relationship with our spouse. Open communication about our children's needs, planning activities together, and supporting each other's parenting roles are all key aspects of active fatherhood. When dads are involved and work hand-in-hand with their partners, it creates a more balanced, supportive home environment where familial ties strengthen. Children feel secure when they observe their parents loving one another and being able to resolve conflicts effectively.
Looking at my son-in-law, it’s heartwarming to see how fatherhood has evolved. With technology, he could access information on parenting readily. On the other hand, he has to ensure online safety for his children. He and my daughter are intentional in not having any screen time for my grandchildren as they are young. My son-in-law spends much time reading books and talking with my grandchildren. His hands-on approach to household tasks feels completely natural, which wasn't always the case in my generation. He actively participates in both the physical and emotional aspects of parenting, teaching my grandchildren that everyone contributes to a household. It is no surprise that my granddaughter insists her Daddy perform certain tasks, like applying cream for her sensitive skin and walking her to her childcare centre , highlighting the strong relationship they have built.
A more family-friendly society
The bond I fostered with my children, and now the bond my son-in-law fosters with his daughters, highlights the importance of active fatherhood. This extends beyond just individual families and plays a critical role in building a more family-friendly society.
Building upon the foundation of active fatherhood within individual families, it is crucial to recognise its broader societal implications. Greater paternal involvement not only strengthens family bonds but also fosters a more family-friendly society. When fathers take an active role in parenting, it sends a powerful message to our children that both parents are equally responsible for their well-being. This not only breaks down outdated gender roles but also cultivates a culture of mutual respect and support within the family unit. Additionally, children benefit from the diverse perspectives and caregiving styles that involved fathers bring, leading to a more enriched and supportive family dynamic. By promoting and supporting paternal involvement, we are not only enhancing individual family units but also contributing to a more emotionally resilient and supportive society as a whole.
As a member of the Families for Life Council, I have witnessed the positive impact of encouraging fathers to take on active roles in parenting. By sharing our experiences and learning from one another and even participating in family-bonding community events and activities under the National Family Festival, we can inspire more fathers to embrace their roles as nurturers and mentors. Fathers can also take active steps to enrich their knowledge and family life through parenting programmes such as Purposeful Play, Positive Parenting Programme and Signposts. Together, we can create a society where all parents, regardless of gender, are valued for their contributions to their children's well-being.
Dads for life
Fatherhood is a lifelong role. Once we become dads, we are dads for life. It is a journey of continuous growth and learning. By embracing our roles as fathers and actively participating in our children's lives, we not only enrich their experiences but also shape the future generation with values of equality, cooperation and mutual respect.
About Families for Life (FFL) Movement
The Families for Life Movement, led by the Families for Life Council, rallies individuals, families and organisations to celebrate families and strengthen family bonds towards building a Singapore Made for Families.
The Families for Life signature initiatives are:
- Families for Life programmes and resources to support strong family values, strong and lasting marriages and confident parenting.
- Families for Life @ Community initiatives to strengthen family relationships in convenient locations in 24 towns. Couples and families can participate in marriage preparation, marriage mentoring, marriage enrichment, parenting and grandparenting programmes, and parent peer support groups.
- I Still Do – campaign celebrating love, commitment, and marriage in February, with enriching online programmes, useful resources and activities for married couples.
- National Family Festival – a national celebration of the importance of families in June, with family bonding events and activities throughout Singapore.
- Celebrating our Grands – campaign celebrating the strong intergenerational bonds of families in October, with craft kits for children to express appreciation for their grandparents and exciting activities dedicated for the whole family.
Visit www.familiesforlife.sg for tips, resources and interesting family activities as well as a wide range of meaningful volunteering opportunities.
